Tell us about yourself (age, occupation, how long ago you were in a long distance relationship, etc.).
I’m 29 years old, and I work as a freelance sign language interpreter. I’ve been in a few long distance relationships, but one stands out in my mind as being rather nonsensical. I was 17, but thinking and planning like I was 25.
Give us some background on your long distance relationship. Why were you and your ex living in different areas and for how long?
My ex and I had met at a Christian music festival in the summertime. We spent the better part of a week being inseparable staying up to the wee hours of the morning walking, talking, and sitting on a dock over a lake. Near the end of the week on one of these magical nights we kissed and decided we’d try to make a long distance relationship work. He was 7 years older than me which now that I’m thinking of it, emotionally distant from the experience, is more than a little bit creepy.
How did you deal with the distance? For instance, how often did you speak and/or see each other? Was trust a big issue?
We talked on the phone a lot, everyday or every other day and visited each other once after the original get together. When I was ready to break up he was convinced it was because there was someone else. I was pretty sure he was still in love with his ex, whose wedding we attended together during our one visit.
What were the 1-3 hardest things about being a long distance relationship? How did you deal with those things?
It actually wasn’t so hard other than the typical frustration of not being able to be physically in contact. In some ways I think long distance was great at the age of 17 in terms of allowing me to stay focused on my school work, but feeling a boost of confidence not feeling lonely or unattractive.
Did you end up breaking up as a result of the distance? If so, tell us a little bit about that. What specifically initiated the split?
I ended up wanting to break up when I realized I was attracted to other guys, and the guy I was dating was not over his ex. Also I started feeling like he was ready to be in a serious relationship, ready to get married in the next couple of years. It dawned on me that I wanted to be a teenager and have fun that’s when I knew I was over it, and it was time to move on.
How long did it take for you to heal from your breakup? What helped you most during the recovery?
I was over it pretty much instantaneously because I was ready to move on. I suddenly felt very free.
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned as a result of your long distance relationship and/or breakup?
I realized that I shouldn’t mistake connection for true love because the truth is it’s made up of a lot more than that. Also attraction can be a really blinding impulse, it can keep you from seeing all of the inconvenient facts.
Would you try a long distance relationship ever again? Why or why not?
I think I would much rather uproot my life to be with the person I love rather than try to make a long distance relationship work these days. At the end of the day I don’t want to go to bed alone, it triggers anxiety and depression for me.
And lastly, what advice would you give to any woman who is considering ending a long distance relationship?
This is just my opinion, but I think that unless you’re in school ot it’s a very temporary situation, don’t do long distance. If you want to be with someone, be with them, cross the divide, and make a life together. If you don’t want to be with them, if other things are more important to you, then be merciful and end it as soon as possible. The sooner you split the sooner the both of you will be on the road to a better and more fulfilling future.