Tell us about yourself (age, occupation, how long ago you were in a long distance relationship, etc.).
44 years old, Office Manager, my relationship began in 1991 and ended in 1995.
Give us some background on your long distance relationship. Why were you and your ex living in different areas and for how long?
We met in Miami in September of 1991 in college. We started living together in the spring of 1992. July of 1993 my father died. In August of 1993 he moved to Boston for school. In October of 1993 I moved back to Pittsburgh. He was still in Boston.
How did you deal with the distance? For instance, how often did you speak and/or see each other? Was trust a big issue?
We spoke almost daily, especially in the beginning. I commuted back and forth, spending 2 weeks there and 2 weeks in Pittsburgh. It helped that at the time I was flush with cash, didn’t need to work and wasn’t in school. I had the freedom to come and go as I wanted and we saw each other plenty. Trust was a huge issue, but it had little to do with distance and more to do with past indiscretions on both our parts when we were both in the same city (Miami).
What were the 1-3 hardest things about being a long distance relationship? How did you deal with those things?
1. Honestly, lack of sex. Early 20’s is no time to think you can really control your libido once unleashed. We both had issues with that. It was actually a lot harder for me. I dealt with it the same way I had in the past, infidelity. I’m not proud of that, but it is the truth.
2. Lack of communication. When you’re only spending 20 minutes on the phone a day, there’s so much of your lives that you miss. Email was not a thing, so we didn’t really have that as an option to keep each other up to date. We also missed those “I can’t wait to share this with you” moment, we were almost always having to wait to share. Again, 20’s is not a good time for that, so much goes on, so much is exciting. In a long distance relationship at that age, you just miss too much and end up feeling disconnected.
3. General lack of sharing. We were leading separate lives, getting interested in separate things, having separate experiences. We drifted, quickly. 20’s are a time of growth and learning and experiencing, not a good time to be doing that apart.
Did you end up breaking up as a result of the distance? If so, tell us a little bit about that. What specifically initiated the split?
We broke up for a lot of reasons. Distance was one of them. Neither one of us really noticed it at first, but suddenly we just weren’t calling as often, visiting as often. We had developed such different interests and lifestyles there just wasn’t much of a point anymore.
How long did it take for you to heal from your breakup? What helped you most during the recovery?
I don’t think either one of us was really that hurt. It had just run it’s course and we were different. We remained friends for many years until even that was just not a thing anymore. Mostly it just slowly petered out and was gone. After the last time we spoke it was months before I realized we hadn’t and it didn’t really bother me that we had lost touch with each other.
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned as a result of your long distance relationship and/or breakup?
22 is probably too young to be engaged and too young to really know who you want to be, let alone who you’re going to be. There’s just so much of the world to explore!
Would you try a long distance relationship ever again? Why or why not?
Probably not. There are just so many little moments that you miss. All those little moments add up and it’s easy to begin to feel neglected, ignored unimportant, as well as feeling like you’re failing the other person as well.
And lastly, what advice would you give to any woman who is considering ending a long distance relationship?
If your gut/heart is telling you to, if your intuition is telling you to, listen. Women so often ignore their intuition and it’s one of the best things about us!